Jan 2, 2012


"A good storyteller stabs you right in the heart.  But a great storyteller twists the knife afterwards." A drunken Christmas rant from me that probably steals from some better quote.

I went down to LA for New Years and had a great time.  It is almost heartbreaking to me how different people treat me here.  They are very nice and sweet and women I am attracted to actually tend to like me back.

I hung out with a girl I once was seeing and she said how does it feel to be a small fish in a big pond?  And it was weird because the truth was I barely have my existence acknowledged in my home town, but down in LA girls treat me waaaaay better.  Everyone just seems to want to have fun, which is all I care about anyway.

I went shopping for new clothes because all my old clothes were now too big for me.  And they don't fuck around with the clothes here.  The women are dressed so fucking nice.  They seem to be into asses and legs as much as I am.  I saw jeans and high heels that were the best things ever.  And the shorts, oh the shorts.  They just prove my phrase from this summer about LA: asscrease is the new cleavage.  Seriously.  I have never complained to myself about seeing the underside of a bun in tiny shorts.

Later, I went to a French restaurant and lusted over the late forty year old owner who I declared my future wife would have to be like(French girls, sigh).

Then I hung out with that girl I mentioned, and as always she was entertainingly insane.  Somehow she ended up showing me the most pornographic pictures I have ever seen of anyone I have known.  Which is funny, because I'm just thinking, oh yeah I remember all that.  I could have obviously gotten laid but I wasn't feeling good(hung over) so instead I went home.  I mean, shit, I'm in LA, people don't hate me here, I can wait for someone who is more compatible(I did already go out with this girl, so I know).  But she's cool and fun to hang out with.

On New Years eve me and my buddy were supposed to go to one party but we couldn't find it, so we went to the next one, which was his girl and her mainly gay friends.  And I had a blast.  They were all so fun and two of them were going to the acting school I wanted to go to.  I think one guy, this gay male model was testing out if he could turn me.  I'm thinking the whole time, this is the most open minded do whatever I want portion of my life, and I'm just not feeling it and not because the guy was unattractive, but because men don't attract me at all.  I just knew if I ever wanted to do that this would have been it and I still didn't at all.  Seriously the thought of touching men makes my nose wrinkle involuntarily.  Not in homophobia, but just in I don't like guys touching me.  It was when he started talking about how sensitive his cock is that I was like, this dudes trying to test the waters with me and I can't even help it.  And I'm just straight.  I started to figure it out when his friends kept thinking something was happening because we were outside in the dark(see how fucking dense I am when someone is sending me signals, jeez).   But he was an interesting dude and he was telling me he almost wishes he was straight because sex with women is better(his words).  He had some opinions I had never heard.

So of course I immediately gravitated towards one girl.  She was about 5 foot three, curvy, extremely spanish, almost hot spanish soap actress looking, in a tight red dress with a flower in her hair, and with the sweetest most emotional eyes.  I was texting a girl, and really being hard on myself because I knew I shouldn't.  She's taken and I should move on with my life, but for some reason I just had to.  It was the simplest, most mundane text message but I felt like such an idiot sending it for some reason.  I kept writing happy new year, and then erasing it and closing my phone and saying to myself stop being a fucking idiot and let it go, but eventually I sent it anyway.  I have learned that obeying my gut instinct tends to actually work out with me because I'm not stupid.  Last time I trusted my instincts some crazy awesome coincidences happened(I mean cosmic kind of crazy).  But still.

I looked up, and basically this girl is doing the exact same thing.  We were both looking at our phones like, how stupid are we trying to talk to people who probably will never be in our lives.  So I started talking to her.  She told me about this guy in San Francisco who wasn't treating her good enough.  And I looked at her and said, I'm from there, and if that guy thinks for a second he can ever find a girl like you up there he is a fucking idiot.  Then I went a got myself a drink.  Figured she could ruminate on that for a bit.

Later on my friend mentioned she wanted to find out how to keep in touch.  Nothing happened, but we were into each other, clearly. We got to that party late so she was sobering up and I was like I can talk to this girl as I get progressively stupider and she gets progressively smarter and fuck this whole thing up or be a pussy and sober up just to talk to her, so instead I quietly got drunk  and danced and smoked.   I know I was dancing with her to Material Girl and we were laughing later on.  It was just a great time.

At some point I met this guy who was really shy and had a really funny awkward and subdued sense of humor.  But it worked and I thought he was hilarious.  I'm the kind of guy who is one of the loudest dudes at a party, but I also want everyone to feel welcome and happy, so since he was quiet I tried to kind of loosen him up(mainly because I saw a lot of myself in him).  I think he tried to get with my spanish chick, but luckily she was more into me after we talked a little, because later on I saw the dude was a ripped personal trainer(in the slim sense).  I told him I was moving down and since I already work out three to four days a week I might as well get a trainer and do it right.  He said the only thing is it wouldn't be in a gym.  And I said fine.  And he said it would be on the beach and in the mountains.  I said I am specifically starting my whole life over and my only requirements is that I am by the hills, trees, and the beach.  So I think we're good.

I woke up in a different apartment, on the couch sleeping under my jacket and feeling like I needed to puke.  I took the 45 minute drive home and was trying hard not to. Right now I am writing this from my hotel room where I'm just trying to get over this hang over so I can paint the picture(up above) on Zuma beach today.  I'm just not that much of a drinker anymore.


This is one of my favorite memories of 2011.  It was just an awesome day all around, but this one moment I had to draw now.

I was with a girl I really like and we were hanging out drinking a few beers.  She walked into a dark room and me, being alive and all, decided to walk into the dark room with the hot girl, figuring nothing disagreeable was likely to happen.  She sat down at this piano, I found a chair next to it.  She played this devastating sad song in the dark.  I could only see moonlight on her through the window.  It was a quiet moment in the dark with someone I like just feeling the music.  I felt calm like I hadn't in years.  It didn't even occur to me until later that the only time anyone played piano around me and I just sat and listened was when I lived with my sister and she would sporadically play our families piano.  I was raising her and I would always be doing something else, but she would come in and start playing.  And I would never stop her no matter what I was doing. Because it was beautiful.  And it felt like home.  This girl in the dark had no idea any of this would mean anything to me.  But it meant everything.

After a while it was those chords ringing out and the moonlit outline that was left.  My mind never really captured her, not even a portion enough to remember her right the next day.  I draw and I draw but all I can get out is the vague outline my mind can hold.  But, in the dark room, the silver blue light was like seeing a painting. Like she was a living outline of piano chords ringing the music into the dark.

I'm driving back up to the bay area after I look at a few apartments.  I'm pretty sure this is it.

- Adrian